Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I Dont Know God.

I started reading Francis Chan's book Crazy Love yesterday.  I made it through chapter 1.  A youth pastor friend of mine told me that I would buy this book after hearing Francis speak at NYWC.  As he told a couple of us about it I decided that I would buy it before because it was stirring something in my soul that I could not yet explain and still working through.  As I was reading I would stop and watch these videos that were online and would have to stop and catch my breath and pray because my heart was leaping and pulling and yearning for so much more of what I was encountering.  The issue that I discovered was that I did not know God like I really longed to and I didnt even realize it.  I know God as savior, I know him as Lord but I dont know Him in the way that a child should know their parent or a husband his wife.  I began to think of all the "stuff" I know and I was had to confess that my heart did not know God like it knew random useless facts. I want to KNOW God in every possible way.  I want to discover Him anew as one who discovers the love of their life.  I want to be so passionately wrapped up in who God is that He spills into everything I do and I cant help but share about Him even when words are not used.  As I was praying I thought of St. Francis of Asisi and his words about preaching the Gospel.  It brought on a whole new meaning to what he meant.  The post from Monday was just part of that.  As I was looking back over what I had written I realized that it was great and challenging and thought provoking but if it never moves from heart and head to my hands and feet then it's absolutely worthless.  Great ideas stay ideas unless there is a change that takes place to make them count for something.  I want to discover how to make what I wrote be a literal life change.  For that to happen I need to know God in every conceivable way.  I need to discover the greatness of His being.  I need to see the depth of His love and holiness.  I need to allow all of that to fill every fiber of my being so that I am no longer myself but Christ living in me.  I long for more and I long to be changed by a God who regardless of what I discover and know I will never fully comprehend, know or even contain in my finite self.

Can you just imagine what incredible things we would discover if we would allow God to have the position of authority in our lives and if we would come to burning desire to lay everything down to know Him more.  I have a feeling it would transform our lives, our churches (the body not the building), our communities and our world.

I am outie 5000,



Richard Morgan said...

I debated whether or not I should make this comment privately, as one sibling to another, but in the end I think it goes more in line with our faith to say it as loudly as possible.

I wish you could experience the Eucharist the way I do. Receiving the Body and Blood of Christ, not a symbol or a remembrance, is, in my experience, exactly what you are longing for--to know God on an entirely new, intimate level. There is a reason the Church refers to The Blessed Sacrament as "the source and summit" of our faith.

Listen to the song "Be Near" by Shane and Shane (*gasp* Protestant music!). Think and pray about that. I know you have a lot to work on with church, school, my beautiful niece, and your beautiful wife, but if you have some free time, consider reading "The Lamb's Supper" by Scott Hahn.

I don't know God either, brother, but I get to know Him a little better every day.


Alyssa said...

Robb. Thanks so much for your thoughts and comments. They are deeply thought provoking for me. I appreciate your honesy and openness. I wish we all could be so honest. Keep sharing your thoughts and I'll see you in a few weeks.