Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Sleep and Dreams

Last night I couldn't sleep. Not earth shattering news or even remotely exciting but it was my night. I tried everything I could think of. I turned the tv on. I turned the tv off. I had a headache so I took a pain reliever with sleep aid. I turned the tv back on to some of the most boring television possible, nothing seemed to work. There would be moments where I would drift off and just as I started to get into a deeper sleep my mind would kick it into high gear and I would wake up and sleep would be just a memory. It came down to the fact that I could not turn off my brain. It was racing with ideas, wishes, thoughts, concerns, dreams. It was all over the place but mainly regarding ministry and my personal faith journey.

In just over a week we launch a new format of ministry. I am excited!! I dont know what is going to happen or whose lives will be impacted but I am excited about the potential. I want to see lives changed and people experiencing the life altering love of God. I want to see teens get passionate about God in a way that they have never been before. I look at these blogs and tweets from men and women in ministry that I respect and I see God doing amazing things and I long for God to move like that in MY LIFE!

Ok so I have to confess that this whole non-sleeping thing is not a new thing. It happens a lot. And by a lot I mean at least once a week if not 2-3 times a week. And regardless of what I am thinking about it all comes back to one thing. Am I allowing God to use me to the fullest that HE wants? I want to be the best youth pastor I can be to my kids. I want to be the best follower of Christ that I can be and I want God to be pleased with what He sees in me. Can He trust me with the smallest things? Yea I want to be trusted with the big things but can He trust me with the smallest of things? I dream big. I just do. I have big dreams and thoughts. I want to do more for Christ. But am I letting Him use me to the fullest? What do I need to change? What steps do I need to take so that He can trust me with the smallest things right now? Am I available to be used to the absolute greatest? If not what do I need to change? And am I willing to do that?

Thats all for now.

I am outie 5000,


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