The Journey as it continues to evolve and change.

New Year and a New Blog

2011-01-02T07:32:00.000-06:00

I tweeted earlier in the week that there were some interesting things cooking in my life and that I was really looking forward to a great year as God was doing some new things in my life and stretching me in some new ways. The first new thing is a new blog. Wanting to get really serious about blogging and putting more of what God has shown me in ministry, life and faith I bought a domain and took it live yesterday. If your interested check out what Messy Faith is. I will keep this blog up and who knows you may see some of my past posts end up on that blog. Hope you have an incredible 2011!! Let God do something different in your heart and life this year and BE DIFFERENT in all you do.

I'm Outie 50000,

Robb

Hide and Seek

2010-10-29T09:30:00.000-05:00

The past couple of weeks have been busy but incredible to see God move. I am not a huge fan of preaching that makes you feel bad, plays on your emotions to fill the altars. I dont want to see teens kneel because they are scared of hell but kneel because they long for an incredible love relationship with God. Yet the last two weeks at The Gathering I have preached with more intensity over this idea of Pure Salvation and Pure Sanctification. As I look at the lives of teenagers in my ministry and that I come in contact with I see this desire to get out of Hell but not to be changed by God in a very radical way. So I presented this series called Pure and really pushed my kids to experience REAL purity in their lives.

In the last couple of weeks we have had two teens accept Christ for the first time. Two teens who were lost and are now found. I have seen several other teens see the need for something more than just existing in their walk with God and it excites me! Then last night I played hide and seek with my daughter for the first time. Either my wife and daughter would hide together and I would try and find them. Or my daughter and I would hide and Amy would come look for us. Ally was so excited about hiding but there was this incredible desire to be found! She would see one of us get close and take off the blanket, or peek out from her very obvious hiding spot if we didnt look at her soon enough. It was almost as if she saw this person seeking for her so intently that she wanted to be found.

As I have been thinking and praying for my youth ministry, I realized that the teens that I am ministering to are wanting the same thing. They are lost or hiding, whether it be in sin or in complacency in their walks but they are waiting to be found. There is this expectancy to be found and when they see someone looking intently they cant help but peek out from their hiding place and hope that they will be seen. They are longing to be found so that they can get out of where they are into something new but they need to know they matter enough to be found.

As I was thinking last night and this morning about hide and seek, I wondered how often do we go "seeking" teens and we get close to where they are and they see us so they peek out, and we dont "find" them. How often do we miss them because we think they are somewhere else or we think that they will want found enough that they will come find us? I want to keep looking, not get caught up in this event or that search that I miss seeing where they are hiding.

I am Outie 5000,

Robb

Sleep and Dreams

2010-08-31T11:11:00.003-05:00

Last night I couldn't sleep. Not earth shattering news or even remotely exciting but it was my night. I tried everything I could think of. I turned the tv on. I turned the tv off. I had a headache so I took a pain reliever with sleep aid. I turned the tv back on to some of the most boring television possible, nothing seemed to work. There would be moments where I would drift off and just as I started to get into a deeper sleep my mind would kick it into high gear and I would wake up and sleep would be just a memory. It came down to the fact that I could not turn off my brain. It was racing with ideas, wishes, thoughts, concerns, dreams. It was all over the place but mainly regarding ministry and my personal faith journey.

In just over a week we launch a new format of ministry. I am excited!! I dont know what is going to happen or whose lives will be impacted but I am excited about the potential. I want to see lives changed and people experiencing the life altering love of God. I want to see teens get passionate about God in a way that they have never been before. I look at these blogs and tweets from men and women in ministry that I respect and I see God doing amazing things and I long for God to move like that in MY LIFE!

Ok so I have to confess that this whole non-sleeping thing is not a new thing. It happens a lot. And by a lot I mean at least once a week if not 2-3 times a week. And regardless of what I am thinking about it all comes back to one thing. Am I allowing God to use me to the fullest that HE wants? I want to be the best youth pastor I can be to my kids. I want to be the best follower of Christ that I can be and I want God to be pleased with what He sees in me. Can He trust me with the smallest things? Yea I want to be trusted with the big things but can He trust me with the smallest of things? I dream big. I just do. I have big dreams and thoughts. I want to do more for Christ. But am I letting Him use me to the fullest? What do I need to change? What steps do I need to take so that He can trust me with the smallest things right now? Am I available to be used to the absolute greatest? If not what do I need to change? And am I willing to do that?

Thats all for now.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

Fall

2010-08-20T08:48:00.003-05:00

It's hard to believe a couple things the first being I haven't been on this in FOREVER!! The second thing is that school has begun. It was a great but incredibly busy summer but it was awesome to see what God did in our youth group and how He is working on the changes for the fall. For my teens all of them are now back at school cranking away at the next year. While I typically get the summer off from my Grad work I did not this summer and it was incredibly tricky getting things figured out. I took a seven week "internship" at my own job in the midst of traveling for ministry events, vacation, and just being crazy busy. Probably not the smartest thing I have done but it was now or next summer. So I am now enjoying a nice summer "break" of a few weeks. Classes start back up very soon and I am diving into the heart of the core classes of my M. Div. This is the section of classes that I have to use this software called Logos, which I have used some in other classes but I have a feeling I will be living in over the next 2 years. It doesn't bother me though, which is weird, because I am pumped about using the NEW Logos 4 for the MAC!!! So totally pumped. Got an email last night letting me know that the brand new Logos 4 for Mac was shipping and would be out of beta in October but it was going out now. So I upgraded my current PC software that kind of worked to the Platinum version of the Mac software. I am getting a massive amount of books. Started downloading last night about 10 PM and this morning was only at 85% of the 7+ gig that needs to be downloaded. That's ok because I will have a killer library of books to help me be the best youth pastor I can be. If this sounds a little funny that I am talking up a product so much that's because I am entering a contest with this blog and hoping to win some new Mac products. Even though I have some ulterior motives I am still pumped about using this new Logos product to the fullest.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

Steering Through The ChaosI

2010-03-19T22:05:00.004-05:00

I was given an opportunity to read a book titled, "Steering Through Chaos" and to be honest I was unprepared for what I would encounter. Scott Wilson's book was quite possible one of the most challenging I have read in a long time. I was pushed and stretched in ways that I did not realize that I would be but it was good. At first I was curious how, as a youth pastor, this would help me in my position, but as I continued to read I came to understand that this transitional time that he discusses is something that affects me as well. There was a re-occuring theme that I picked up on and felt that I need to add to my life is the importance of a mentor or life coach that will help me both casting and reaching a vision. Definitely a book worth reading and rereading to get as much as you can out of it. Not only is this a great book for pastors and staff but for anyone who experiences chaos and transition in life.

Thirst

2010-02-17T09:34:00.002-06:00

Today officially begins Lent. I have to confess that usually I don't give anything up for Lent because in the past it became this thing that I would give something up but then not do anything with that time, money, focus, etc... Instead of spending the time that I usually spent watching TV I would kill that time some other way and so this idea of drawing closer to God never materialized and it became just an event in my life. This year because of my desire to tell a better story, thanks Donald Miller, I stopped spending money on soda, coffee, tea, etc... and I began to just drink water when I went out. What I discovered is that I spend a ton of money on those kinds of drinks. Since January 1 I have saved somewhere in the neighborhood of $75 to $100. Now on to what is happening right now. Starting today I am drinking nothing but water until Easter. I am not drinking milk, juice, coffee at home. Nope nothing but water for the next 47 days. I write this not to draw attention to me but to say I have challenged my youth group to the same thing and for them to collect all their loose change until Easter to give to a mission project of building a well. So welcome to the 40 Day Water Only Challenge. So far I have had 15 of my teens, of my adult staff, and the entire senior pastor's family sign up. That is the coolest thing ever. If each person fills one water bottle with loose change then we have the potential of collect several hundreds of dollars. Typically this is just a check that I cut out of my budget and give to the district but this year its different. This year we change the world and we quench two kinds of thirsts. The first is the literal thirst that people feel without water. The second thirst is deeper. This thirst is in the one who has no water and the one who does. This a thirst to truly connect with God in a life changing way. This thirst can not be quenched by drinking only water. It can only be quenched when we stop and allow God to fill us. To stop being so busy that we miss the smallest thing and we take for granted even the smallest and simplest things in our lives.

God has called us to a higher standard for our lives and as we begin to truly understand this I believe that it will change who we are and push us past the point of just existing. We wont be able to just settle any more because we have seen the fullness of God and nothing else will ever be able to satisfy.

Until the water and the Blood both run freely in all...

I am outie 5000,

Robb

Voices

2010-02-11T11:54:00.003-06:00

While I have been better at the other things I have wanted to do this next year this is one area that I have struggled with for a few reasons. The first being I am not sure how many people are going to read this and I wonder if it is worth my time. Second I want to make sure that this is more than just I did this today but something that causes me to risk and to put who I am as a real individual out there. The purpose of this blog is to show my journey with Christ and what He is showing me and how the journey is evolving and how I am evolving in my faith. I finally decided how to address those two issues. First, this is not so much about people but it is about me just sharing my heart and being open. This has to be about me being able to look back and see just what was happening in my life and to track my journey. The second issue I have not written for awhile not because God has done amazing things in my life but I just havent taken the time to share them. That is the plain and simple truth but today something happened that really spoke to me and to be honest I knew I needed to share so I can look back and remember this day.

We are entering a stage of life with Ally where she just loves to talk. Her vocabulary is growing all the time and there are times that I swear she is saying phrases or words that fit the situation but I dont think it is really clicking for her yet what it means. Typically in the mornings I drive her to her sitters house and drop her off. Our sitter doesn't live far from us so it's not that much time but there is something about that time that I cherish. In fact I long for that time with Ally. It's just me and her. Sometimes we have the radio on and if a fast song is playing we are dancing and I am singing the words and she is just talking her baby gibberish but it's our time. Other times we just sit and silence and I just look at her and I am amazed how much she has changed in the 19 months that we have had her. Then I think about how much I must have changed in the 19 months since she has been here. This time together is so sweet. It was during this drive time yesterday that God spoke to me but it was more like a realization than Him telling me something but it was powerful and life changing none the less.

It was one of those days with Ally where she was in a really silly mood. She had picked out the clothes that she wanted to wear, the coat that we typically have her wear to church she wanted to wear to Patty's. Instead of her tennis shoes she wanted her Elmo slippers. She was just being too cute. As we were driving, the radio was on but it was a fast song that we could dance and laugh too but it was just providing background noise and Ally was just talking away. She was having a full blown conversation with me that I had no clue what it was about but she did and it was so important that she share with me what she knew and had to say. As I sat there and just listened and smiled and longed to hear more from her it hit me that this is what God wants from us. He longs to just hear from us. He wants to hear our voices telling Him things and it might not come out in a way that makes sense but He still wants to hear. He looks forward to the times where we just jabber away and He can sit there and smile and laugh and look on His child with all the love that He has for them. It hit me that when I dont take Ally to the sitters, I miss that. I miss that time and my day just isn't complete without that. It's not like we drive for 30 minutes or an hour and its a forced time to get Ally to share. Its this time that she just shares with me what is going on. Her words make no sense but I love to hear her voice. God wants that from us and too often and I think He really misses it when we don't spend that time. Now I realize that we don't control God but I think because of His infinite amount of love for us, He wants to hear our voices. He wants to spend time with us and sit there and laugh at what say and do. Not in a mean spirited way but in a way that allows us to see Him delighting in us. I hate when I miss that will Ally how much more does God hate when He misses that time with us? We are His children. He wants to share in our day. He wants to turn on the radio and dance and be silly with us and to laugh as we smile and don't care if we look silly.

I realized that I am keeping from God the very thing that I hate to miss in my daughters life. I realized that not only is God missing that kind of time with me but I am missing the time that a father is able to just express His love over His child. Ally knows that I love her so much during that time. She hears it from me and I cant wait to share with those whom I am close with what happened during that morning drive or the night before at home. It's this time together although I don't fully understand her it still is exciting for me to spend the time. God wants to spend this time with us as well. He isn't going to force us into it. He isn't going to strap us into a seat and then make us talk to Him about anything and everything but He wants to hear from us. He wants to hear our voice and our words and even if what we are saying or how we are saying we don't think makes sense He wants that from us. He is not looking for us to be very proper in how we talk, He just wants us to talk. He wants to hear about the day. He wants to know how we are feeling. He wants to enjoy just hearing the sound of our voices. He is not looking for a forced conversation. In fact I wonder if He would rather have no words than words that are not spoken in a freedom of love and excitement.

How often have I stolen from Him moments that we could have shared because I didnt think He would care or I have just been lazy and not shared? How many times have I kept from Him the joy of just allowing Him to laugh at me as I am being silly in His presence because I think the time would be better spent being serious? Instead of being this beautiful thing that just flows because of relationship, I fear I have caused it to become this time of forced, uncomfortable conversation that He hears and responds to because He has promised He will be there but it could be so much more. Simply two voices sharing in a conversation with laughter and excitement and joy that the other is just there.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

Everything Changes.

2009-12-31T10:06:00.004-06:00

It's hard to believe that the year is almost over. In just a few short hours we will be ringing in not just a new year but a new decade. So much has happened in my journey the past few months and I have not taken the time to update but I am hoping to change that over this next year and I hope for anyone who actually reads this that God would speak to them some how. If it's just me writing then this will be a great place to put my thoughts and God can speak to me.

As the title suggests this next year everything changes. Because the past few months have been so challenging I am tired of just having a story that is there but I am ready to change my story and what happens in it. The first thing that is changing is what I am doing with my life. I am not leaving the ministry, I am not changing churches but I am going to be about something different. I am doing everything I can to bring attention to the issue of clean drinking water around the world and an organization I have joined called the Haiti Water Project. I just sent them a blog entry and it can be found at Haiti Water Project sometime in the future. Here is what I posted:

Why did I join the Haiti Water Project Cause on Facebook? And why have I been adamant about getting my teens and family to join as well? Those are a couple of questions that I have been asked by a few people close to me over the past couple of weeks and the answer is simple; God. In the past couple of months I felt God stirring me to do something more and to be part of something bigger than just my little world here in Carthage, MO. I had seen the stats in the past knew how much money it would take to provide clean drinking water to the world and it seemed to be a staggering number but one that we as Christians should and could do something about.

Right before the Advent season I was introduced to the Advent Conspiracy watched one of their videos and saw how much we will spend on Christmas this year and it literally hurt. I couldn't sleep or eat or get that number out of my head. At this time I was starting a series with my teens called "Storyline" and how to change their story. I was getting ready to talk about changing their plot and how if they would change their plot what they are about, what was happening it would change everything and in the message I was going to challenge them to discover a cause to get behind. I could not write the message. Here I was telling my teens that they needed to do something for the Kingdom of God to be a Christ follower who was not satisfied with just going to church and existing and I wasn't doing anything. As I began praying about what I should do, God brought back to mind water and the fact that more people die every day from lack of clean drinking water. How can they ever hear about the love of God if they die of lack of water before they ever get the chance? That did it. I decided that I was going to change at least one person's life in a very simple way and so I determined that I am going to make a very concentrated effort to raise as much money in 2010 for clean water.

So that evening I talked about changing their plot and then I shared with them what God had pressed on me to do and to hold myself accountable I told them my plan and invited them to join me. For the next year I am drinking water. That may not sound like much but instead of going out and spending money on soda, coffee, tea I am going to take that money and put it aside for clean water. When we go grocery shopping instead of buying cases of soda at $10 every couple of weeks I am putting that money in the bucket. If I order something other than water I have to put the exact same amount of money in the bucket. That might not sound like much but I truly believe that it will add up quickly and as I encourage my family and teens to join me I expect God to great things with what I am able to give.

I found Haiti Water Project through a very good pastor friend who had joined and donated his birthday to that cause in effort to raise money. I decided that this was the organization that I needed to partner with and give not just finances but my energy, time and attention to. I joined and then went about inviting my family, teens and volunteer staff to this cause. I am excited to see what happens in the lives of those that my money will go to help. I am excited to see how God challenges my teens to serve Him even more as they see their youth pastor sacrifice something so small and insignificant here so that someone can have something as simple as clean water to drink.

I plan on updating here how things are going and excited to see what I can do through the next year to help provide clean drinking water.

Some other things that I really want to do this next year are:

-Read at least one (1) book per week

Review and blog monthly what books I have read

-Blog at least once a week

-Lose 30 pounds

-Run a half marathon

-Draw closer to Christ and His plan for my life

-Raise as much money as possible for Haiti Water Project

-Expose my teens to the limitless love and power of God and see their lives transformed

-Minister better to the whole church

-Be a better husband and father as the spiritual leader in my home

Some of this has no real spiritual impact but I am excited about what this next year looks like. Besides I want some way of holding myself accountable, and hopefully this will be a great way to do that.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

We've Reached The End

2009-08-04T14:00:00.003-05:00

Well, the craziness of summer has finally come to a conclusion as we finished up our Mission Trip this past weekend. It's hard to believe that 3 months worth of events and activities have come to an end. As much fun as it was, there is part of me that is relieved that it is done so that I can recoup and get ready for the fall. Doing something new this year and that is taking the entire month of August off for Wednesday evening services. While it might sound weird I am hoping that it does a few things. The first that it recharges those who put so much into it, the adult leaders. Second that it allows me to really prepare for a great kick-off in September. Third that we give the teens something to get excited about and looking forward to what is going to come.

On a personal note it has been a very interesting summer as God has been speaking by not speaking if that makes sense. He caused a great deal of questioning, seeking and unsatisfaction in my life and then let me linger without providing direction or answers to what I was asking. While this could be seen as very frustrating, and at times it really was, it has created a greater reliance on Him as I continually seek His face and the answers have yet to come. What this has done more often has created an excitement of what God has in store for me, for my family and for the ministry that He has called me too. Not sure where He is guiding me but I know that it will be a great journey. I will make sure that for the very few who ever read this that I keep you updated on my journey as it continues to evolve. Until then...

I am outie 5000,

Robb

I've Got Style

2009-06-02T08:34:00.003-05:00

As I continue to read in Isaiah, it continues to amaze me. I have to be honest in saying that this is the first time in my life that I have spent this kind of time in one section of the Bible. Typically I would read and continue to move to the next chapter and I might spend a couple of days on the same passage but to spend over a month of just a few chapters has been an incredible thing. This past Saturday I added chapter 58 to my study and the timing of the subject matter could not have been better. Chapter 58 talks about fasting and the kind of fasting that the Lord desires. Recently I talked to the teens about really praying for the youth ministry and to look for those who were missing and let them know that they were missed, to invite their friends to church, to really look to change our group and to start with prayer. In staff meeting this same approach is being done in challenging our people to pray in June, connect in July and serve in August. So with all that being explain let's move on to what God shared with me on Saturday as I sat at a scenic overlook read my Bible and was amazed and worshipped in God's amazing creation of the beautiful Ozark mountains.

In chapter 58 Isaiah is sharing this message from God about the people fasting and praying and what was happening as they did. They were fasting and praying yet there was no change in how they were living their lives. They still took advantage of their workers and had this air of because I am fasting and praying I deserve God to hear me and give me what I seek. In fact 58:4b says, "You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high." WOW!! What an incredible statement. So that got me thinking. Fasting and prayer are acts of worship. It's giving up of self to see God glorified. Worship is something that we as humans and especially children of God were created to do. So often we get into these worship wars over style of worship. Traditional, contemporary, liturgical. Praise choruses, hymns, no music, lots of music, chanting, etc, etc, etc... As I read this chapter it began to dawn on me that there are two styles of worship but it is not what we think it is.

Style 1. It is worship where it's all about us. We are not truly worshipping God. We arent allowing the glory to go to Him. We aren't changing the world we live in through worship. We are doing it more out of habit or to put on a show. This style of worship is heartless, passionless, and selfish. The goal is to look good or be comfortable in what we do. We pray the same prayers, we sing the same songs, we go through the motions without ever stopping to consider what needs to be happening in and through our worship. That is style 1 and according to 58:4 we think God hears it and is moved by it?

Style 2. It is worship that is all about Him. We begin by truly putting the Lord of Lords before everything else and we lift up all glory to Him because it is truly due to Him and Him alone. When we worship the way He has instructed us to the world is changed. In 58:6-14 it goes on to explain what will happen when we truly fast and pray and worship. Change comes to the world. The chains of injustice are loosened. The oppressed are set free. The hungry eat. The poor are housed. The naked are clothed. The family is restored. And God hears our cries. This style is one that is defined by a heartfelt, passionate, selfless pursuit of the face of God. Not for what He can give to us but because we long to seek His face. Nothing else matters but the things of God and if something is bothering God it bothers us. Regardless of the song we sing or dont sing. Regardless of the type of music. This is a lifestyle that is comfortable worshipping because it is what we do daily. This is style number 2 and God is deserved of this and this alone.

So there is a style war going on in the church. But it is not over the type of music. If the war becomes about this then it has become style one and both "sides" are wrong. But if worship stays in style 2 where God is glorified the type of music wont matter. It doesnt matter what songs we sing. We could sing twinkle twinkle little star and because our heart is so consumed by the things of God we would become lost in worship. Certainly there are preferences and that is fine. I prefer one style of music over another. I prefer certain things. The problem is when our preferences become more important than who it is all about. When we prefer one thing over another and so because of that we "can't" worship. We should be able to worship in all things. We are called to be a people of worship and to live in a style of worship that transforms our lives as well as our world. Worship should no longer be focused on the song style but on the giver of the song. Scripture tells us that there is "nothing new under the sun." That means every song that we sing has been sung for eternity already. The angels have been rejoicing God with praise choruses, hymns, chants, etc... since they were created and so there is no "new" worship songs. This idea that one type of music has a "holier" meaning is lost. In now way is this meant to bash what some would call traditional or contemporary because there are those on both sides who think the same way. They think and spout off that their style is true worship and that the other is not. When really both are worship its the state of the heart that determines the style.

My hope and prayer is that whoever reads this blog would be challenged to look beyond the type of music and to see which of the real style of worship they are about. This worship war over style has much more eternal implications than the "war" we tend to focus on in church. When we fight the traditional worship war over "styles" unfortunately both sides have already lost and Christ is not the focus the type of music becomes what is being worshipped. Great hymns become meaningless in God's ears. Great choruses fall flat and don't reach the altar of sacrifice. It's fine to have preferences. It's those differences that allow us to paint such an incredible tapestry of worship that is beautiful because of the differences. Just don't let those preferences become the object of worship. Well until next time,

I am outie 5000,

Robb

Summer, Summer, Summer Time

2009-05-28T10:42:00.002-05:00

Well, the semester has ended and now I just await the final grades to be released and see how the class ended up. Although continually being online for class has kept me offline from blogging I have still been seeing God's hand move in and through my life. I recently did a series called "Untouchables" which was from Doug Fields out at Saddleback. I did some serious tweaking to make it applicable to my teens but what came out of it was some great discussion in small groups over topics like homosexuality, death, disabilities, and racism. Some tough topics that either dont get discussed or are not seen as popular to discuss. It has been very challenging for me as I have had to craft messages and questions and be honest with myself and my teens.

With in the past month I have read a book called the Kingdom Experiment that is available for purchase now and it was a very refreshing way to view the Beattitudes. I highly recommend picking up this book and reading it and make sure that you read with an open mind. Look for opportunities that will allow God to change your world. Make your faith an intentional one and enjoy the opportunity to be Jesus to someone.

Over the past few weeks I have found myself reading Isaiah 59, 60, and 61 over and over again. I have been amazed as God continues to reveal to me who I am in Him. What He has planned for me. Isaiah 60:1-2 states, "Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and His glory appears over you." Imagine that. The very thing that we are to give back to God, glory, He is shining on us. He is taking it and allowing it to shine in our lives. Not by our doing but by His. I think what struck me so profoundly is that in the church there are those who are looking to do something for recognition. They want to be thanked and publicly recognized for what they do and receive the glory. Yet we are told time and time again that all glory is the Lords. We must not keep any of it but give all praise and adoration back the one who it is truly due. Then here comes the crazy part...He shines it on us anyway. Not so that we can say look at me, look at me but so we can be a part of what He is doing and we can point others to Him so much easier. Here we are so concerned about making sure the right person gets credit for what they do when really if we would just stop and give the credit to God he will shine on us even more. I guess the difficult thing here is to make sure that we (1) give the glory to God, (2) don't do it with the mindset of if I do this then I will get God's glory, (3) give God the glory and when He chooses to shine it upon us we again turn around and praise and thank Him for using us.

I am excited. I am longing for more of God in my own life and in the lives of my teens. I have just recently looked into the spiritual disciplines again and in doing so discovered a longing for more of God in my life and so I have determined that this summer is going to be a summer unlike any I have ever had. Even if nothing comes of it but I read and pray and God tells me "I love you" that will be all I need but I am committing to some things that I have to be honest I have not done in quite awhile and I am ready to once again experience depth that I have to see. It should be quite a faith journey and one that should be quite eventful in the experiences of God. Until the next time...

I am outie 5000,

Robb

Time

2009-04-20T22:09:00.003-05:00

It has been awhile since I have been on this blog. At the "restart" I wanted to be on this on a fairly regular basis so that I could share what God has been doing in my life. However, school has taken quite a toll on my time this semester. While God is still moving and working I spend so much time writing and basing my thoughts around education that very rarely do I have the time or energy to write here. I have missed it though. I have missed the freedom of allowing my mind to wrestle with and to articulate what it is doing. Hopefully, I will once again be writing and expressing thoughts, concerns and opinions in a way that allows both me and whoever might read this blog a chance to grow in the grace and mercy that God wants to lavish upon us.

On a personal family note, Ally is growing like crazy and in on the verge of walking. So as I have finished school work I have spent a great deal of time watching in amazement the creative hand of God as my daughter matures in her development.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

New and Old

2008-12-31T10:08:00.002-06:00

Well another year has come and gone and to say that this year has been full is an understatement. Of course Amy and I welcomed our daughter Ally into the world this summer and that has led to such an incredible amount of joy and wonder. How God continues to teach me lessons through the joy and trials of parenthood is astounding and quite humbling as well.

Apart from being a full time dad, husband, and youth pastor this past year was my first year of my Master of Divinity work. This new challenge has definitely been just that, a challenge. School is not my first love but the knowledge that has come from what I have studied, read, and learned has been priceless. Next to the lessons I learn about God through my daughter this has been probably the biggest push for a spiritual awakening of sorts in my life.

This awakening has been one that has been rumbling deep in the core of my being for awhile. Longing for more than just the ordinary. Desiring more than just getting by and biding my time. Wanting to touch the very face and heart of God and then refusing to be the same. I want to experience the unimaginable and discover the unthinkable in reference to what God has for me. Hopefully along the way I challenge, encourage and inspire others to do the same. Between family, school and then all of it coming to a culmination at NYWC I have been moved to a new place. I have been pushed to accept more and to not be satisfied till I get more and more and more. If God is more then I want God. If God is never ending than my more should be the same. It should never stop. This excites me as what the next year holds for both me and my ministry as I look to be an agent of change in the lives of the teens who walk through my doors and who I come in contact with in their world.

With the new year there is almost always the thought that goes to resolutions and new beginnings and I have to say that in almost a cliche way I am doing the same. I have made some resolutions for my life and the last paragraph is the bulk of what I hope for. There is always the traditional get in better shape, be a little better on the organization part of things, etc... but the desire to experience more of God is one that if all others fail and that happens then it will have been a successful 2009. In January I am starting a series entitled "Leftovers" and how those leftovers are detrimental to our resolutions and how in our Christian walk leftovers can be the killer of a burning passion. I hope that through this series I learn something. I hope that the teens do as well, but I want to be the first student of the messages that I share with the teens. Who knows I may post some of the sermons here for you to look over or just to share with someone who might stumble on my page. May the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob be a presence of peace, hope, joy and salvation in your life as the new year begins.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T11:31:00.002-06:00

Merry Christmas to you all! Amy and I were sitting around this morning after the gifts had been opened and the cinnamon rolls had been eating and talking about the last 4 Christmas' in our lives and how they were crazy different. 4 Christmas' ago we were both single and Christmas cards were signed individually. The next year they were signed together as a married couple. The following year we were together and signed with expecting Ally. Then this year we signed the three of us. It is amazing how God continues to bless and move in our lives as we are constantly seeking His face. It is His direction, guidance, and plan for our lives that we want and to achieve that and to be where we are now is a sweet thing. All the uncertainties seem so trivial now compared to what God has done in our lives for His glory.

As the day continues and we will, before we know it, take down the tree and decorations and the New Year celebrations will be upon and we will usher in a new year and that comes with it; new promises, joy, sadness, expectations, hope, and whatever else is new. My prayer as 2008 closes and 2009 opens is that God would continue to receive the glory in our home and that as I continue on this journey with Him and as He continues to stretch, mold, and make me into the man that He desires me to be, I hope I am able to share and hopefully show the light of God's love to one who is searching.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

Snot

2008-12-23T20:19:00.004-06:00

I finished Crazy Love tonight. It took me longer to finish than I wanted but mainly because I took a short hiatus on reading it as the Christmas season came in full force. After I finished I just had to sit on my couch for a bit and try and digest what I had just read. It has now been a month since I was in attendance at NYWC and I can still honestly say that I am still trying to process all that I heard and experienced. The only other time that this has been true in my life was my time in YWAM. Have you ever thought about the love of God? I mean seriously sat down and processed what it means to be loved by God. Crazy Love is exactly what it is. Not only that but if we were to be honest with ourselves we would have to admit that God wants nothing but Crazy Love in return from us and He truly deserves it. The problem with this though is that it will make us extremely uncomfortable because there is no way to love God as fully and passionately as He requires and still remain in our comfortable position.

I experienced this first hand the other day and God REALLY slapped me upside the head. Ally has been really congested recently and has had a lot of snot in her nose and it's difficult for her to breath with it so full. So we have this contraption that sucks out the boogers so that she can breath. Here is where the problem lies. She hates it. She fights and pushes away and cries and resists and makes it at times nearly impossible to put the thing in her nose. All I want to do is remove the obstacle in her life that is making her even more uncomfortable but because it is a little uncomfortable she would rather continue struggling to breath. Last Wednesday was probably the worst that I had ever experienced and I got so frustrated with her. She fought so much that I finally gave up and let her continue on not breathing as well as she could, because I didn't want to hurt her. It wasn't until later that day that I saw what God wanted me to see. He does the exact same thing for us in our lives. He so badly wants to remove the obstacles that are keeping us from experiencing His fullness in our lives but because we have become so comfortable with the "boogers" in our lives we don't want to go through what it will take to remove them.

As I sat there and thought through the areas in my life where I have junk that I have been carrying even though I don't have to I began to understand more fully what God wants to do in my life. It was as if He was saying, "Robb, let me get this crap out of your life. If I do you will experience a fullness of life that you haven't ever tasted before. It's going to be uncomfortable for a bit but it's necessary if you want to get what I have for you." Just as much as I wanted to ease Ally's breathing, God wants to ease my burden. God wants to help me experience life to the fullest here so that life there will be even sweeter. Why am I so stubborn?

I want to just say a simple thank you to Mr. Francis Chan for being God's instrument in writing this book. I have read many books about my walk and my life in Christ but none have ever impacted me the way that this one has. This one will go on my desk as one of those books that constantly reminds me of God's Crazy Love for me and that my only appropriate response is giving God my Crazy Love in return, no matter what it costs me.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

Hate.

2008-12-10T14:09:00.003-06:00

I hadn't planned on writing on this particular subject for awhile but two different books that I am going through right now both talked about how important this issue was for a Christian to live the kind of life that we have been set apart to live. The first run in I had with this topic was in a book that I am going through with a group of Senior High guys in a Bible study. The second time that I ran into this subject was in the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan which I have alluded to in previous posts. Both of these instances came yesterday. The first with came at 6:30 in the morning at the Bible study and then the second instance was yesterday afternoon as I had gotten away from the office to work on tonight's message. The title of this post is exactly what I want to discuss. Most of us would say that hate is un-godly and I have told my students to hate someone in their heart is the same as killing them. We speak against hate of people regardless of their race, creed, or any number of other issues and this is crucial. But I think because of the fear of the word hate we, the Church, have not spoken about hate in a productive way. The hate that I am talking about is the hatred of sin.

Many might say that there are plenty of people who are busy talking about hating sin and it's become this dividing line. And true there are a number of people who talk about hating sin in the church. I spent some time in Topeka and can think of a group right now but the problem with that is that they tie the sin and sinner together and end up hating the sinner as well as the sin as if they are the same thing. When it is quite clear that they are not. Scripture is clear about the fact that God hates sin. It is the one thing that He truly hates. He doesn't hate creation or even the enemy. He created all and therefore loves all, but he hates what sin does and how it separates and destroy the very thing that He loves. Here is where it gets tricky for us Christians. What I am about to talk about is not certain issues that are sin. I dont want to be accused of justifying something that some see as sin and others dont. I dont want to condemn actions either as sin when others dont feel that they are. My job is not to judge the difference of what sin is or is not. That is God's. My whole purpose of this post is to talk about the Christian's response needs to be to sin...in our own lives.

It is time that we as Christians start hating sin in our lives. Stop making concessions that allows it to remain. We want to see the Church be a powerful force again and not something that is seen as a joke or hypocritical or even powerless then we need to start living in such a way that we hate sin in our own lives. To often we look at things that we are doing and try to line it up against others and say that we are doing better than them so its ok. When in truth we are only being held up to one plum line, God's. Sure we might be "better" than someone else by our book because we aren't doing such and such but we arent being graded on a curve here. We are called to live up to God's standards not our own or those around us. Imagine if we could start to hate the sin that we know that trips up our own lives and start living in such a way that eradicates it from our lives with the help from God then we could speak and have two legs to stand on. It's hard to be called a hypocrite when what we say and how we live actually line up. The thing about sin is that it keeps us from experiencing the fullness of God in our own lives. It puts up this wall that separates us from the love of God. For those who call themselves Christians but dont hate sin and allow some sort of sin to remain in our lives we can put ourselves in a very precarious place. Revelation describes it as lukewarm and God is going to spew (spit, vomit, gag, wretch) out of His mouth. Francis Chan gives a great set of ideas of what a lukewarm person is and he asks the reader to do a true self assessment of their life right now. Not who they were or want to be but right this very minute if any part of their faith journey is described. I dont want to ruin this for those of you who might be interested in this book so I will just say Go Get It and look at your life. When I looked honestly at the core of who I was there are areas where I prefer to be lukewarm because it's easier than being on fire. It doesnt cost me anything. I have areas where I don't hate sin enough to rid my life of it and it has brought my spiritual temp down to the lukewarm level. What scare me is that I am (0r was till made aware) comfortable with where I was at and considered myself ok. What a wretched man I am. Isaiah's words ring so loud in my ears. Look at Isaiah 6 and his reaction to standing in front of the Holy of Holies and he knows that the sin in his life will doom him. As yesterday went I struggled with this. I want to be on fire. I want to know that I would give it all for the sake of the cross. I want to pay the ultimate price. Whether I am viewed as off base, wrong, eccentric, or lose everything I want to keep my heart in the place where I dont make concessions that allow sin to remain in my life.

I want to make one thing clear as far as "allowing sin to remain." I dont mean those stumbles along life's journey. I am not talking about losing it every once in awhile. I do not want to ignore grace and what it does. Nor do I want to cheapen grace by allowing sin to allow in my life that I feel comfortable with. I am talking about those issues that you know are wrong. Those things that dont seem that bad in your life compared to all this other stuff. To allow that kind of sin to remain is the issue. To not be completely sold out to Christ that is the issue. To no hate sin the same as God is what I am talking about. I dont want to stand before God and have him call out some area in my life where I became comfortable with the sin that was there and I choose the rags of this earth to cover when He wanted to offer me the clothing of righteousness.

Lord teach me to hate sin my life like you do. Let me be concerned first about my heart and life and how to live in such a way that allows me to become more like you. Father let my life be so refined that others look, see you and because of the fact that my walk and talk line up you are able to convict their hearts.

I realize that I may have stepped on some toes. Please dont ask me to lay out the sins that we should avoid or the things we should do to keep from sinning. Again that is not my purpose in writing this. I wanted share what God has spoken to me. I am not going to get up and bash or judge issues. I want to judge my life in accordance with God's standards and hate the sin that I have allowed to remain in me.

"I want to yearn for You. I want to burn with passion over You and only You." (Shane and Shane "Yearn")

I am outie 5000,

Robb

How?

2008-12-08T13:19:00.003-06:00

It's been a few days since my last posting but it's been a busy season as I try and wrap up my class, the Christmas season at church, and just trying to be a good dad and husband. I have to admit that I have also been a little leary of posting due to the number of thoughts that I have racing through my mind. So I will probably try and spend some extra time on here just putting down the thoughts so that I can just get them all out and worked through. The first and probably most pressing on my heart has to do with my last two posts. I have enjoyed reading the comments and glad that others have appreciated them as well. There is one thing that bothers me though and it has since I wrote the words. How do I go from words on a screen to actually living it out? I know the practical Sunday school answer but that doesn't cut it. Sorry for those of you who would say just do it. It sounds simple enough but think of what it requires. It will be a major life shift and it's not that I am afraid of change, in fact I think change allows God to do more because things seem so unstable, it's that the life change is unsure of where to start.

There were several comments that talked about the fact that what I was feeling is not just something I am experiencing but that others are in the same position and there is a growing desire for more and different. I love that but what are they doing and where are they at? Who are they? Are they in current ministry settings? Are they in the crowd just waiting for someone to lead them? Are they doing something about it? I know that there are those who are changing things and I love it, but what about those who feel the same and are not doing anything about it. The more I continue this journey the deeper my questions and answers take me and its a good thing but there is a part that is frustrating because I dont want to just put words down in my journal or on here and then never do anything about it. I want to live it out and be that catalyst for change. Someone has to do it so why not me? Why cant I do that? It's not about being the leader of a big group or becoming famous. If it were to ever come to that I would hope I would have the stones to quit. I just want more of God. I want more of His Grace, His Love, His Holiness, His Presence in my life. I know that it will have to change who I am and if I change it has to change those around me. My prayer is that God would use me as He desires. I think of Paul and seeing how he always hides himself behind the cross I know that fame was never his desire. I can honestly say that it's not mine as well. Some my ask why even discuss it and to be honest because we live in a world where fame is constantly sought after even by some in the ministry. I want to be about Christ and Him crucified.

I am tired of writing and speaking words that discuss being different and hit this idea of depth but then it never makes a lasting impact in my life or those that I am responsible for ministering to. I am tired of being in church but it never getting past the door frame of the sanctuary. Why is that we are content with sitting and listening saying our "Amens" "Hallelujahs" and "Praise The Lords" but when it comes to putting it into action or motion we forget the very message we so adamantly supported. I am tired of this. I am tired of self. I am tired of self-control. I am tired of self-containment of the life in me that the Grave could not even contain. Yet we live as if we have to be this prim and proper person without emotion unless in the right place in the service. The Gospel I read and want to be apart of is dangerous. It's challenging. It's dirty. It's not polite. It doesn't hold back but fully releases the Glory of The One Who Came To Save. It takes the very presence of God and allows it to explode all over life so that one can not experience it and then just sit and enjoy.

So what does that look like in a practical, hands on, lived out life? How do I take words that resonate in my heart and make them work their way to my hands and feet, to my head so that I think, act, and live differently? I know it's possible and I know the "answer" but I want more. I hope that this post makes sense and doesn't resemble the nonsense that I know it looks like in my head. More to come.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

I Dont Know God.

2008-12-03T15:12:00.004-06:00

I started reading Francis Chan's book Crazy Love yesterday. I made it through chapter 1. A youth pastor friend of mine told me that I would buy this book after hearing Francis speak at NYWC. As he told a couple of us about it I decided that I would buy it before because it was stirring something in my soul that I could not yet explain and still working through. As I was reading I would stop and watch these videos that were online and would have to stop and catch my breath and pray because my heart was leaping and pulling and yearning for so much more of what I was encountering. The issue that I discovered was that I did not know God like I really longed to and I didnt even realize it. I know God as savior, I know him as Lord but I dont know Him in the way that a child should know their parent or a husband his wife. I began to think of all the "stuff" I know and I was had to confess that my heart did not know God like it knew random useless facts. I want to KNOW God in every possible way. I want to discover Him anew as one who discovers the love of their life. I want to be so passionately wrapped up in who God is that He spills into everything I do and I cant help but share about Him even when words are not used. As I was praying I thought of St. Francis of Asisi and his words about preaching the Gospel. It brought on a whole new meaning to what he meant. The post from Monday was just part of that. As I was looking back over what I had written I realized that it was great and challenging and thought provoking but if it never moves from heart and head to my hands and feet then it's absolutely worthless. Great ideas stay ideas unless there is a change that takes place to make them count for something. I want to discover how to make what I wrote be a literal life change. For that to happen I need to know God in every conceivable way. I need to discover the greatness of His being. I need to see the depth of His love and holiness. I need to allow all of that to fill every fiber of my being so that I am no longer myself but Christ living in me. I long for more and I long to be changed by a God who regardless of what I discover and know I will never fully comprehend, know or even contain in my finite self.

Can you just imagine what incredible things we would discover if we would allow God to have the position of authority in our lives and if we would come to burning desire to lay everything down to know Him more. I have a feeling it would transform our lives, our churches (the body not the building), our communities and our world.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

The liberal rants of a conservative or the conservative rants of a liberal.

2008-12-01T10:04:00.005-06:00

I just recently returned from a trip to Nashville for the National Youth Workers Convention and I have to say that it was quite possibly one of the greatest spiritual renewing events I have ever been a part of. Probably more this year than last. After I got back and was going over the convention and the swarming of thoughts that I had filling my mind I started to think and question just what church is about anyway. I want to warn you that the following is just thoughts from the convention and a great deal of reading about John and Charles Wesley. There maybe somethings that you read that disturb you and push you to think and to be honest I hope it does. Please dont think that I am losing my faith or walking away from God. On the contrary I feel as if my relationship with Christ is stronger than ever and I am excited about what God is doing in my heart, mind and life.

One of the first things that I want to share deals with a comment that the president of Youth Specialties made regarding angry emails that he receives typically from the more theologically conservative youth pastors regarding the speakers that they bring in. I think what breaks my heart the most is that it goes beyond just complaining that a Christian company has gone "too liberal." I wonder if we conservatives spent more time sharing the love of God and the freedom that is found in Christ and less time writing complaining emails or trying to defend God then the lives of people would actually be changed by God and there would be less to complain about. Instead being so concerned that "In God We Trust" being taken off our money why not make sure we are honoring God with our money. If God's name is not on our currency does that mean that God is no longer in control? No. Instead of being more concerned with taking God out of the Pledge why are we not more concerned about the life of the man who is pushing for that. Most people don't know how to say the Pledge correctly anyways so why not spend more time showing the love of God to those who truly need it.

I constantly hear this talk about how the founding fathers would be shocked at what the government is coming too and how they were Christians and this country was founded on Christian values. Coming from a Nazarene background I hate to say it but not a single founding father would be given membership in our denomination. Most of those who are seen as Christians also belonged to the Freemasons. According to our very own manual members are not allowed to be a part of any organization where there are secret oaths and rituals. Thomas Jefferson was at best a deist and Benjamin Franklin was not a Christian. I understand wanting to protect the Christian freedom but the thing that makes America great is that there is freedom of religion.

Another area of concern and this stems from this past election year and the amount of negativity from both sides of the political spectrum concerning the candidates and certain issues that were passionately defended. The fact of the matter regarding the election of Barack Obama is this. Regardless of whether or not he has a Christian faith or not God is still on His throne and was not caught off guard by this. Besides who are we to question a man's relationship with the Father? Are we living our lives in such a way that no one can question our own personal walk? Then there is the issue of gay marriage. Christians on the conservative end have talked about protecting the sanctity of marriage and I am all for that however, we as a body of believers have not done our part in this regard. When the percentage of marriages inside the church walls is the same of that outside then the idea that we stand for the sanctity of marriage gets very shaky. The same Bible that is used as a basis of support for one man and one woman speaks very clearly to the issue of divorce and that it is not right.

Instead of conservatives being so concerned about defending God let's start living in such a way that He doesn't need defending. Spend less time writing angry letters and emails and spend that time sharing the Gospel with those in need of God's saving grace. Instead of walking out on someone who shares a belief that we don't agree with listen and allow God to either solidify what we already believe or possibly change parts if it lines up.

Instead of liberals being so concerned about redefining what Scripture means today start living it out in such a way that people are drawn to the Christ we proclaim and let our lives be the example. Instead of claiming that conservatives are old fashioned listen to what they have to say and then it solidifies what you believe or possibly changes parts because it lines up.

The Church's greatest enemy is no longer Satan, it has in fact become it's on worst enemy. We are more concerned with the protection, the redefinition, the defending of our beliefs that we have stopped being the true agent of change in a world that is desperately seeking something more than just lip service. If we could start living out the words in red then imagine what would happen in the world. Satan would have to start ramping up his work against the Church again and it would once again be a relevant force in the world.

There is a comment that is made from time to time that makes me want to laugh because of the implications of what it would mean for us if the comment were to become true. "I want to be a second chapter of Acts church." Personally I think it's a great goal. I would love to be apart of a movement that was as powerful as that first church. To see thousands added to the faith daily is an overwhelming and exciting thought but one that requires much more than most if not all American churches would be willing to sacrifice. Think about what that church was doing. They were selling all their possessions and giving the money to the church so that no one was without. They were taking care of the widow, orphan, homeless, sick, poor, etc... the list goes on and on. They put aside personal likes, desires, and tastes so that the Gospel of Christ would be shared. They faced persecution like we have never seen. They had to choose faith over life if it meant that much to them. We don't know what it means to truly suffer for the cross. We are more concerned if we have God on our money, God in our pledge, and the "right" person in office. We want hymns or choruses, drums or the organ, casual or dressed up, we want people to come to us when it's very clear that we are to go to them. We get uncomfortable when someone doesnt smell right, dress right, look right, act right, or talk right comes in. Instead of being a hospital for the sick and hurting we become a country club for those who know the proper way of presenting themselves.

I have recently been reading a great deal about John Wesley who the Nazarenes trace our core beliefs back too. What amazed me was what John and Charles presented looks nothing like what we are today. I would take it so far that what they presented would fit more with the emergent church of today. To them the issue of sanctification, which is a term that is thrown around a lot, was not just a list of rules that you followed. In fact there were two facets to their idea of sanctification. The first being personal and the change that transpired in the heart and mind. But if it didn't affect the social world that the person found themselves in then they were not being actively sanctified. It was more than just a one time experience. The brothers saw a direct correlation between personal and social holiness and you could not have truly personal holiness without having the social holiness as well. Instead of doing something that lets us be the the "savior" let's work together so that there is a learning relationship established and God can save us both.

I know that there is a lot of thoughts and opinions here but just things that I have been wrestling with and trying to sort through on how this changes not only my own personal faith journey but also how I minister in the realm of being a youth pastor. I am sure you noticed that there is a new name and new look so I thought I would try and blog on a more regular basis and share with you my journey as God continues to refine and re-identify who I am. There will still be updates on Ally and the family so keep checking back but I hope that you will be challenged in your own faith journey with Christ. All I ask is that you carefully present before God anything that I write. I am still working through a lot of these things but I need an outlet and this gives me the perfect place to do so. Also know that I am not leaving the church, God, or ministry. I am wanting to be who God wants me to be, make the impact that God wants to use me to make, and be the church like I think Christ had in mind. Till fingers meet keyboard again,

I am outie 5000,

Robb

How time flies

2008-09-16T15:10:00.000-05:00

I was thinking just yesterday that it has been awhile since I posted anything on this blog and I started to kick myself not staying up to date with it. However, between trying to be a husband, a father, a youth pastor and a student in a MDiv program I have been just a tad busy. So today as I was waiting for students to show up I thought I would get on here and fill you in what is happening.

Ally is growing like crazy. We had our two month check up now almost a month ago and she was in the 100th percentile for length, weight, and head size. At almost 3 months she has almost outgrown most of her 3-6 month one piece outfits. It's crazy to think that in just a few days she will be 3 months old. What's even weirder is I cant remember what life was like without her. Developmentally she is starting to grab things and definitely recognizes faces. For some reason she is constantly smiling and laughing at me so I know that when she gets older I am in trouble when she flashes that smile.

Things in the youth ministry are going really well. We have launched a few new things and I really believe that we will see both spiritual and numerical growth from the inclusion of small group discussions on Wednesday nights. We have only been doing them for 2 weeks now but they have gone about 10 minutes longer than I planned for them to be but because they are going so well I don't want to stop them. Sunday night at Water's Edge we had a great discussion about absolute truth and morality and how closely they are tied together. So here is a thought and a question for you, Is there such a thing as absolute truth and how does morality tie into that? Can we fully know truth? Some would say yes. The discussion came down to the fact that God is truth and all truth is from God. However, with that in mind and the fact that in our finite being we are incapable of fully understanding God how can we then fully understand truth? I believe that there is absolute truth there has to be. But the depth and breadth of what that absolute truth is I dont know. I long to discover and know Truth in it's fullness but I know that this side of eternity I can only discover and know a little at a time. To discover this I must act upon what I know now. My life must reflect the the Truth that I presently know. Jeremiah 31:33 says,

"'But this is the new covenant I will make with the people of Israel on that day,' says the Lord. 'I will put my laws in their minds, and I will write them on their hearts. I will be their God and they will be my people.'"

God is Truth. Apart from God there is no truth. I long for more of God therefore I long for more of Truth. God in my life transforms who I am from the inside out. Truth is transforming.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

2008-08-05T09:33:00.000-05:00

Well it's been about a month since I last updated but it's been a crazy month so I apologize for not posting news and pictures sooner. Right now I am sitting at my office computer so there wont be any pictures yet but I promise that by the end of the day there will be pictures and stories galore about about how the last month has been and how Ally's first trip to New England went. Just a quick note of what's been going on here:

July 11-12 District NYI Convention here at the church

July 14-17 District Assemblies and a Local Mission trip for the teens

July 17-30 Gossen Family Vacation (driving from Carthage to Indianapolis, flying from there to Maine, from Maine to Maryland, from Maryland to Indianapolis, driving from Indianapolis to Carthage and then trying to beat the Marion Days rush at Walmart so we have groceries before some 60,000 to 80,000 Vietnamese descend upon the city of Carthage.) Just a taste and while traveling we did not have much internet access. keep close its a coming

I am outie 5000,

Robb

Ally's First Week Home

2008-07-07T21:03:00.000-05:00

I realize that it has been awhile since I last updated but I have been just a tad busy loving on my daughter, adjusting to life with a newborn in the house, getting two very spoiled boxers used to their new charge, and getting back into the swing of things at the church. Because I know that you are dying to know what is going on in the world with Ally I will fill you in on the past week.

My parents came in to visit and to spend time with their new granddaughter for a bit and because my mom decided that since my dad was traveling for a good portion of the week that what better place to be than to spend a week with her favorite daughter-in-law and the new love of her life. This proved to be a great blessing as she was able to help Amy and care for Ally. This proved to be especially important as Tuesday we had to visit the doctor and we found out that her Bilirubin number was much higher than it should have been so we got a special machine that was to help with phototherapy of light on Ally to raise this number. After several hours of light and keeping track of her temp so that she didnt get overheated. We kept her on the blanket as much as possible. We went back in on Thursday only to discover that the number was still too high so we continued with the therapy.

On the Fourth of July we went back to get another blood test to check her numbers but because it was a holiday we had to visit the lab at the hospital. This proved to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. First, the lab tech took forever in getting the paperwork done but once that was done we headed back to get the blood work done. Now to test the blood the way they do it is to stick the heel and then squeeze blood into a vial. Now the previous two times we had been at this point the nurses in the office were able to draw blood extremely quickly and then be done. This time however, the lab tech was HORRIBLE. There was blood all over her heel they weren't holding Ally right they. Squeezed the foot wrong and ended up bruising over half the foot while trying to draw blood. The blood they did get they weren't sure they had enough and then they made us stay through the test to make sure and then once finished they could not tell us the results. When we got home the doctor had called and asked us to call her back. She told us that the results were actually higher which she thought was strange but that also the blood was not in the best shape. While taking the blood they had damaged the cells. Ally was screeching in pain and her mom was crying her dad was ready to punch both techs in their faces and as much as he hates needles would have gladly have been stuck to take the pain and suffering away from his daughter. The weekend was a huge success and Uncle Kurt and Aunt Steph came to visit and a great time was had by all.

Lots of pics were taken with Granna and Grandpa and Auntie Ambur. We will be posting new pics as soon as I can get them onto the computer.

P.S.

We went back to the doctor's today and her number was down significantly and so NO MORE BILIRUBIN BLANKET!!!! WOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

I am outie 5000,

Robb

Finally HOME!!!

2008-06-30T12:02:00.000-05:00

It's Monday and we have now been in our own home for almost 24 hours. Just to update you on things. Sunday night about 3 the nurse came in and said that Ally was probably not going to be able to go home. She had lost almost a pound and they were doing some blood work for jaundice. Well, at 3 in the morning when we were actually asleep and kind of resting that comes as a major blow of disappointment. She gave us some supplement to feed Ally that should help. Ally ate it up but we didnt know how much to give her and how often to feed her. We ended up giving her too much of this crap throughout the morning and it was extremely frustrating. Then the doctors came in and both said that she was totally fine and that the weight loss was well within the parameters that is acceptable. She's stinking 9 pounds 10 oz to lose a pound is not much!! When we got ready to leave the crap that the nurse gave us had given Ally an incredible upset stomach and so she spit up several times and each one coinciding with putting her in her carrier. We made it home and it proved to be a long day of sleeping for Ally and not eating till late but because she hadnt eaten all day she wanted to eat all night which made it a long night for her parents. We are doing well and she grows more beautiful by the day. I have to admit leaving for work this morning was incredibly difficult. I really didnt want to go.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

One More Time

2008-06-27T10:52:00.000-05:00

Here is one more set. The last pic is of me changing my first diaper.

Here Are More

2008-06-27T10:19:00.001-05:00

They only let me post 5 at a time for some reason so I will be making several posts.

Say Hello To My Little Friend...(Actually My Daughter)

2008-06-27T10:12:00.000-05:00

As promised here are pictures of my beautiful daughter. I will be posting more soon. These are from immediately following the birth and her getting cleaned up. Ally is B.E.A.U.tiful.

And Introducing...ALLY!!!!

2008-06-26T22:32:00.000-05:00

She's HERE!!! Finally after a long long day we finally have our daughter. Now that she is here and I feel a little easier sharing some of the details. We arrived at 7 this morning and started the pitocin and had the doctor check the progress since Monday. There wasnt any. So we began to wait and the nurse came in every now and then and would turn up the med. and fairly soon we were at the max limit that she could take. The contractions were coming 2-3 minutes apart but they were minor and some Amy never even felt. At 1 the doctor came back into do his check to see how things were progressing. There wasnt any progress. So we began the discussion of whether to do a c-section or stop the treatment and wait till next week. After much prayer and discussion and questions being asked of our wonderful nurse we decided that if God did not want us to have a c-section that He needed to raise some big red flags instead all we got were green. So at 4 when the doctor came back in we had pretty much decided that we were moving ahead toward the c-section. However, there were some slight complications on the doctor's end as he had some things come up that he wasnt sure if he could do the c-section. Again after much prayer that he could clear things up he was able to do the procedure. Now for the rest of the wait. There were two emergencies that had come in and had taken the 2 O.R. staffs and then after that were two more procedures that had already been bumped so it looked like it was not going to happen till 7 PM. At 7 we entered the room and began to get ready. At 7:34 PM Alexandria Rose Gossen entered this world. Her weight was 9 pounds 10 ounces and she was 23 inches long!! She didnt want to drop cuz she was a stinkin toddler as a friend so kindly pointed out. She is absolutely beautiful and as soon as I can tomorrow I will post pictures of her. I will also post results of the bet. I think I am going to go stare at my girl.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

Playing Our Unfavorite Game

2008-06-26T16:17:00.001-05:00

The waiting game continues. Ally remains stubborn and has not done much in the way of assisting in her delivery. The waiting has become frustrating but we know that God is in control and has the perfect plan for when Ally to be here. We ask for prayer that things would work out and that we would be able to have this baby soon. Hope you are enjoying this blog and looking forward to sharing some exciting news and pictures very very soon.

I am outie 5000 (for now),

Robb

And The Waiting Game Continues...

2008-06-26T12:56:00.000-05:00

Well, it's official I either have a very stubborn daughter (much like her mother) or I have a very divafied daughter who wants to make her entrance in the grandest way possible. The doctor just left and we are still in a process of waiting. No problems or complications but just a very stubborn girl who has decided that she is WAAAY too comfortable and not ready to come out yet. More to come...

The Start Of The Big Day

2008-06-26T09:38:00.000-05:00

Well it is currently 9:39 AM and we have been at the hospital since 7 this morning. So far it has been a pretty slow process of preparing forms and getting an iv and then we started the pitocin. Its pretty much now a waiting game as we wait for the pitocin to really take effect and Ally to decide to join us. I will continue to keep you updated on this wonderful day as we enter into this new world of parenthood.

I am outie 5000 (for now),

Robb

Taking All Bets (just without the money)

2008-06-24T08:26:00.001-05:00

Ok, so we now know that Thursday is the day. Here are some things that I hope will spark some convo. What time will she enter this glorious world? What will her measurements be (inches and birth weight)? Oh and did I mention that to the person who gets it absolute correct that means you get everything right there will be a prize but you only get one guess. So here is mine. Ally will be born at 6:08 PM just as Michael Beasley is picked as the number 1 draft pick in the NBA Draft and becomes a Chicago Bull which will spark me cheering for the Bulls. She will weigh 7 pounds and 10 ounces and her length will be 20 inches. Ok so that is my time, weight and length guess. Please enjoy.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

It Begins Again.

2008-06-23T18:50:00.000-05:00

Well, the trip to the doctors office has come and gone and Ally has decided that she is not yet ready to enter this world. This was somewhat disappointing as we were really hoping that she would be joining us today. After the initial discovery that we would not be having a baby today the doctor did give us some good news. He was going to check on what day he could induce and what the hospital had open. Although we were ready for it today or sooner...come Thursday morning at 7 we will head to the hospital to start the induction process and then later that day we will have added a third person to the Gossen household. We will keep you informed. Enjoy the ride along with us.

I am outie 5000,

Robb

One More Day

2008-06-23T12:55:00.000-05:00

Well, so much for thinking she might come on Sunday. Apparently she is EXTREMELY stubborn child and going to be taking on the Yankeeness of her mother. She is going to make sure that she comes when there is nothing else going on so that all the attention is on her. As much as we are hoping that she would have come yesterday we are not too surprised. Today we head to the Doctors for our weekly appointment and so I guess we will see what happens with that. Our thought and prayer is that the doctor will decide to just keep Amy and that we can just deliver this little bundle of joy and divaness today. Looking forward to keeping you updated on this journey.

I am outie 5000

Robb

Saturday in the park...actually it's Saturday and we are still waiting

2008-06-21T08:26:00.000-05:00

Well, Friday came and went without incident and so now I have made it through teen camp, VBS, paintball and now the only event left to make it through is the VBS service and Bike and Car show. However, Amy and I were talking last night and decided that she would probably come tomorrow, because everything big seems to happen on Sunday's in our lives. We started dating on a Sunday night. We announced to the teens that we were dating on a Sunday, we were supposed to get engaged on a Sunday but the rain prevented that, but she knew it was coming. We got married on a Sunday. So it makes perfect sense that our daughter should be born on Sunday. We will see. Well just a quick update and for me to get in the habit of blogging on a regular basis. Share with you soon,

I am outie 5000

Robb

Welcome!

2008-06-20T10:05:00.000-05:00

This first blog is basically to say hello. The second is to just fill you in on what is happening in the ever changing Gossen household and the constant adventures that God seems to have for us. Most of you know that we are expecting and it should be any day now. I have set this up so that if you are friends or family that is not close enough to see Ally you can now visit on a daily or weekly basis and see what is happening. I will be updating on a regular basis once we get to the hospital and posting pics as soon as we have them. I hope you enjoy and in the words of the Clampett's "Come on back yall."

I am outie 5000,

Robb